There has been plenty of research on marriage. One study shows that what makes marriage work indicates that happy couples demonstrate a ration of 5 to 1 positive behaviour in the relationship. What this means is that there are five times more positive interactions between happy couples, such as using soft words, listening, validating, affirming physical affection, and giving compliments. Negative behaviours can be yelling, complaining, and negativity. To keep the negative from outweighing the positive, you should know a few marriage communication tips.
1: Make it a point to spend time together communicating and spending tie together.
The average couple spends just 20 minutes a week talking to each other. You should make it a point to turn off technology and spend 20 to 30 minutes catching up with one another.
2: Use more “I” statements and less “You” statements.
“You” statements will make your spouse feel the need to defend themselves. A good example of an “I” statement is, “I wish you would see how much I do around the house and help me a bit.”
3: Be specific.
If a problem comes up, broad generalizations such as, “you do this all the time” won’t help.
4: Don’t misread things.
If you act like you know what your spouse is feeling and you are wrong, it can be very frustrating for both of you.
5: Express your negative feeling constructively.
It is not uncommon at times to feel resentment, bitterness, or disappointment. If you want things to change, you need to express your feeling. However, how you express these feelings is essential. For example, “I’m disappointed that you are working late again,” is better than, “You don’t care about me because you are never here.”
6: Listen without getting defensive.
If your spouse wants to talk about their feelings, don’t go on the defensive. I stay positive, you can healthily discuss your feelings. Getting defensive will just escalate the situation.
7: Express positive feelings freely.
For some, it is easier to express negative feelings rather than positive ones. You should often express feelings of respect, adoration, affection, love, and approval. It is best to use five positive feelings for every negative. If your compliments exceed your complaints, your spouse will be more likely to take your grievances seriously. When you are given a compliment, make sure that you receive it with appreciation and grace. If you don’t show appreciation and respect when your spouse compliments you, your spouse will compliment you less. They won’t see a point in it if you show no appreciation.
